Do you know that feeling of falling, falling whitout knowing where you are going to land?
I’ve been thinking about that feeling a lot lately, because hey.. I have got all the time in the world.
I am that kind of person that can doubt for forever about what to order in a restaurant.. "am I feeling like drinking red wine, white wine, or HEY a beer? ". And when I have finally chosen, I can just as easily run after the waiter and change my order. Also, I can just sit in my van for two hours (or more), having conversations in my head on where I am going next or "should go next". Leaving me sort of paralyzed with “the freedom” of choice I have. For some reason I never doubted for one second about going on this trip. Sure, I had nights before, and after departure where I thought “ WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING!?”. But in the end it just didn’t feel as if I had a choice. As if this is where I needed to go. And yes, that jump to saying goodbye to everything familiar, felt like falling. The feeling you get just before jumping off the highest springboard. You can associate this feeling with fear, dread and with something you have to avoid. But I have come to realize that it is a feeling you have to chase. Because in that moment you are feeling like falling into a big black hole you will never come out off, you are realizing you are flying, without the worry of where you are going to land. Because everywhere you will land is just the place where you have to be. Living “far” from the normal world, makes you see society from a whole different perspective. For me it is comparable to a big ant-hill, just ants, following the next ant in line, because that’s apparently the way we have to go. Not seeing where they are, what the surrounding is like. As you can see, I have been travelling in my mind a lot lately, but my van also keeps up adding miles (km). Since leaving home, that's almost 9000! I have been to one of the most, wild, beautiful beaches I have ever seen (twice) just under Cadiz (Bolonia) , where cows kept me company, as well as friends.
I have been studying (some more) Spanish in Malaga for the past 2 weeks, and now I am in Granada for the 4th time, and certainly not the last, with my mom.
Where I am going next, I don’t know. I will just have to jump, and embrace the feeling of flying.